Dale Kuehne: Back in the UK

The author of Sex and the iWorld is speaking at an event looking at 'Schools and the Sexualisation of Our Children' being held in London on Saturday 2 October. See poster, below.

The event, called 'Where Did You Pick That Up?' is aimed at parents, teachers and all those working with children and who are concerned about the increasing sexualisation of youth culture, particularly within schools, and who want to be able to respond in positive and life-affirming ways.

Dale considers that the cultural battle being waged over the issues surrounding boundaries of sexual behaviour is 'a nuclear conflict disguised as a debate' and holds that the sexual revoltion changed not only our understanding of sexuality, but also our conceptions of marriage, family, gender, friendship, and the nature of human happiness and fulfillment.

It is not an issue which it is possible to avoid, though many of us may wish it were. Nor can it be pigeon-holed into neat slots. Dale opens his book with the sentence 'This is a book about sex, love, religion, and politics - all of the things our parents warned us to avoid in conversation.' All these are difficult areas, which strongly overlap. 'Where Did You Pick That Up?' is an opportunity for discussion and consideration of important, influencial issues which are affecting our children and culture now and into the future.

The organisers want this to be a 'real-world' event and are keen to hear from parents and educators on their own experiences so if you have a contribution please contact Dr Lisa Nolland. Her details are on the poster above.

360 Degree Preaching and Leadership Event, Oxford

Michael Quicke, author of 360 Degree Preaching and 360 Degree Leadership is visiting the UK next week! An ideal opportunity to meet other preachers, and to sharpen your own preaching and leadership skills.

Date: 20 September 2010
Venue: Regent's Park College, Oxford
Time: 10.30 - 4.30
Cost: £30 including lunch and refreshments

For more information and to book online visit the Evangelical Alliance website.

Choosing to SEE: Spring is Coming

After Maria’s memorial service, . . . we knew we had to return home and face one of our scariest scenarios. In short, it was time to begin our “new normal”— whatever that was.

But it was still awful.

As we approached our house, the morning was gray. We turned into our neighborhood. Then, as our tires hit gravel on the unpaved surface of our cul-de-sac, the skies opened up and started pouring rain . . . as if Jesus was weeping with us while we came back to this place.

We drove up our driveway. There was a baby magnolia tree near the girls’ playground. We never paid much attention to it, and it had never bloomed before. But as we rounded the corner, we saw that little tree, so near to the place where Maria’s earthly life had ended, and there was a huge, fragrant, blooming flower on it. Just one.

We could almost hear her laughing from heaven, “SEE?”

* * *

Yes, our home was the site where Maria was accidentally hit by a car and left this earth… but even though that all-consuming, terrible thing happened here, our home was also a place of powerful, happy memories. This was the place where God had met us time and time again; He had not been looking the other way on May 21.


Book details and sample chapters
UK paperback edition just published!
Price: £7.99
ISBN: 9780800719920
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Mary Beth's blog

Information on 'Show Hope', the charity established by the Chapmans.

Choosing to SEE: As Hard As Hard Gets

We all had worries and concerns about Will. I had lost one child, and I just kept crying out to God, “Please don’t let me lose Will too!”

Will had such a special connection with all three of his little sisters, and he had been Maria’s constant playmate. He called her “little dude” and would always take time out to play.

Will . . . so caring, so tenacious, so strong, so broken. Clinging, just barely, to what he knew to be true, that God was with him even in this. Such a hard concept for anyone to grasp, let alone a seventeen-year-old boy and Maria’s best buddy.

Caleb Chapman (At Maria’s memorial service)
"We prayed for healing for Maria, but God healed her in a way that we didn’t like. But God is going to heal my brother in a way that I think we’re all going to like a lot."

After everyone else had left the graveside… I put my arm around Will’s shoulders and hugged him hard. “There are no words for this,” I said. “It’s as hard as hard gets. But I promise you one thing right here by your sister’s grave: it’s going to be a long, long journey that won’t end until we get to heaven, but it’s going to be okay.”

He leaned his head against mine and sobbed. I told him that I loved him, that I didn’t blame him, that this was a horrible accident, and that we were not only going to get through it, but that God was going to give each of us a different kind of story to steward well.


Book details and sample chapters
UK paperback edition just published!
Price: £7.99
ISBN: 9780800719920
Available via all good bookshops, or on-line.

Mary Beth's blog

Information on 'Show Hope', the charity established by the Chapmans.

Choosing to SEE: Please Let Us See!

We’re not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.
C. S. Lewis

* * *

“God.. you’ve got to show us something tangible so we can know Maria’s with You! Please, we need to see you in this, please let us see!”

Steven looked down at Maria’s table. There was a piece of notebook paper there. Maria had drawn a six-petaled flower with a green stem and two leaves. Only one of the petals was colored in. Blue. Maria’s favorite color. The center of the flower was orange.

Steven saw something bleeding through from the other side of the paper. He turned it over. Maria had colored an orange butterfly, and written a word she’d never, ever put down on paper before.

Maria could write her name and little things such as “I love you,” but she hadn’t started writing other words yet. Since Stevey Joy was a little older and a year ahead of Maria in preschool, she had a list of words to learn. Steven’s best guess is that Maria must have copied one of the words off the list.

And the word she wrote was SEE.

SEE.

Staring at Maria’s artwork, Steven had tears spilling down his face. It was like Maria was speaking to him from heaven, from the very realm of eternity, saying “SEE? Can you SEE? Everything is going to be all right. I am here with Jesus. I am fine. Heaven is real, the gospel is true, you just have to SEE!”


Book details and sample chapters
UK paperback edition just published!
Price: £7.99
ISBN: 9780800719920
Available via all good bookshops, or on-line.

Mary Beth's blog

Information on 'Show Hope', the charity established by the Chapmans.

Choosing to SEE: May 21st.

(Immediately after the accident.)

I think I knew in my heart that Maria was gone, but I was hoping that the LifeFlight team had been able to either resuscitate her or keep her breathing. I couldn’t comprehend what was happening. I kept trying to wake myself up.

They took us to a small room beyond the ER. The doctors who had worked on Maria were there, along with several nurses. They told us that while they had done everything they could, Maria had, in fact, passed away.

“No!” I screamed. I fought the nurses and doctors to get out of that room.

“No!”

They eventually walked us to the trauma room where they had worked on Maria. They had already disconnected most of the equipment that had been used to try to save her life. She was just lying there, like she was asleep. The only mark on her was a small abrasion on the side of her forehead.

Somehow in that unthinkable moment it became clear to Steven and me that we were standing at the very door of heaven, placing our little girl carefully in the arms of Jesus, desperately trusting that she would be safe there until we could come and join her.

Steven and I bent over and kissed Maria’s forehead. My hand shook uncontrollably as I stroked her face and tucked her hair back behind her ear one last time. Then we walked out to meet our friends and begin our long journey of grieving and waiting until we would pass through heaven’s door ourselves.


Book details and sample chapters
UK paperback edition just published!
Price: £7.99
ISBN: 9780800719920
Available via all good bookshops, or on-line.

Mary Beth's blog

Information on 'Show Hope', the charity established by the Chapmans.

Choosing to SEE: February 20th

In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you.
John 14:2

Out of the blue, (Maria) said, “Mom, is it true that God has a big, big house?”
“Yes,” I said. “It’s true! God does have a big, big house.”
“Does it have lots and lots of rooms?” Maria asked.
“Yep, it has lots and lots of rooms,” I responded.
“Mom,” she said, “I wanna know more about God’s big, big house! I wanna go to God’s big, big house! How do you get there? Can I go there?”

Oh, my goodness! I thought. Here she is, four years old, and she’s asking how you get to go to heaven!

Steven, just back from taking Shaoey to school, came in and did his best to explain the Gospel in four-year-old terms.

Then he asked, “Maria, would you like to talk to God about this?”

“Yes,” she said. Then she prayed in her own words, asking Jesus to come live in her heart and to take her to God’s big, big house when it was time.

Later, of course, what transpired in the kitchen that day would give us specific, sweet comfort because of Maria’s big decision. But at the time it was just a normal Wednesday…


Book details and sample chapters
UK paperback edition just published!
Price: £7.99
ISBN: 9780800719920
Available via all good bookshops, or on-line.

Mary Beth's blog

Information on 'Show Hope', the charity established by the Chapmans.

Choosing to SEE: Fingerprints of God

Even during tough teenage years, Emily adored her little sisters from China. Shaoey joined the family during Emily’s final year of middle school, and Stevey Joy came home while Emily was in high school.

Emily spent countless hours in the dress-up closet playing princess with the little girls. She took care of them and saved my sanity when Steven was traveling and Caleb and Will had places to be, and I was just one parent running back and forth between five children.

Then, during Emily’s final year of high school, Steven became convinced we should adopt again.

Of course, none of us knew quite what to expect once Maria came into the picture . . . or all the things God was going to do through her little life.


Book details and sample chapters
UK paperback edition just published!
Price: £7.99
ISBN: 9780800719920
Available via all good bookshops, or on-line.

Mary Beth's blog

Information on 'Show Hope', the charity established by the Chapmans.

Choosing to SEE: Adopting Again

Shaoey’s first year with us had been filled with broken sleep and screams from night terrors. So the boys really wanted a low-maintenance, happier sister who would have no problems sleeping through the night, and they decided it would be good to pray fervently for a chilled-out Chinese baby.

(After a SARS-influenced very short notice flight to China to collect her newest daughter…)

I finally got up the nerve to call home. Caleb and Will got on the phone. “Mom, we’ve been praying so hard,” Caleb said. “Is Stevey Joy all calm and chilled out?”

“Well,” I said, “uh . . .”

Caleb could hear Stevey Joy screaming bloody murder in the background. “Is that her I hear?” he asked.

“Well, she’s so sick—” I started.

“Oh, no!” Caleb moaned. “But Mom, we prayed!”


Book details and sample chapters
UK paperback edition just published!
Price: £7.99
ISBN: 9780800719920
Available via all good bookshops, or on-line.

Mary Beth's blog

Information on 'Show Hope', the charity established by the Chapmans.

Choosing to SEE: Something Miraculous

As I got on the airplane and flew halfway around the world to retrieve the sixth member of our family I was still afraid. I had no idea that God was going to do a miracle in China.
* * *
I saw a Chinese woman carrying a bundled baby…

I couldn’t get to her fast enough. I opened my arms, flew toward the woman, and took the baby. Tears poured down my face. I couldn’t believe that this was my child. I stared down at her, crying over and over, “This is my baby!”

In that moment, time stopped. It was like God was speaking to me directly. “Mary Beth, you thickheaded woman, do you not understand now that this is the very way I see you? You are this orphan! I adopted you and you are Mine! I bought you for a price! Do you see how you love this baby? That’s just a faint reflection of how much I love you! You didn’t have a name, and I gave you a name. You did nothing to deserve my love, and I love you anyway. You had no hope, no future, and now you are the daughter of the King!”

I saw it. The second she was placed in my arms, I would have fought to the death to protect her. I loved her with everything inside of me.

“Do you get it now?” God was saying to me. Under the blanket, this baby was wrapped in rags. She was poor. She didn’t smell good. She was hungry. There was nothing about her that had “earned” my love. But I loved her powerfully, deeply, absolutely. Period.

I got it.

* * *

140 Million Orphans

There are about 140 million orphans in the world today. As we became aware of their needs, we read our Bibles with fresh eyes. We saw all the times that the Bible talks about both orphans and adoptions. In Steven’s music and in the platforms God gave us, we started talking more about them as well.

If there was ever an issue that followers of Jesus should be all about, it would be caring for orphans in their distress.

Book details and sample chapters
UK paperback edition just published!
Price: £7.99
ISBN: 9780800719920
Available via all good bookshops, or on-line.

Mary Beth's blog

Information on 'Show Hope', the charity established by the Chapmans.

Choosing to SEE: Emily's Letter

Our daughter Emily has always been a very compassionate person.

“Before you make your final decision about adoption
please remember that there are children being born as
you read this letter that have no hope for the future. All
they will know is a crib or one small room with work
that comes along with it. Not everyone in this world
can help these children but not to brag, we are financially
equipped & I know deep down in your heart you
would love a baby but you say you’re scared of the challenge.
Look you have 4 people under the same roof as
you that would be a help to you. I know we’re gone
for 7 hrs. in the day but we are home for 6 hrs. Before
we have to go to bed. Please pray about adopting.”
Note written by Emily Chapman, age eleven, 1997


For his part, Steven didn’t need much convincing. He loved the idea of us adopting. He thought it was a beautiful theological picture of how God adopts us as His children. He also thought that since we had been so blessed, it was a way to share our blessings. And since
we were in the public eye, it might also inspire other families to open their homes to adopt orphans.

Meanwhile, Miss Persistent had bought a book on international adoption with her birthday money, and while I drove our minivan to soccer practice and errands, Emily would sit in the back and read out loud to me.

“Mom!” she’d say. “Did you know it only costs this or that to adopt a child from here or there?” She was relentless.

So we prayed regularly—but guaranteed, not as regularly as Emily Chapman—for God’s leading about the adoption decision.

I was beginning to believe that God was nudging us down the road toward adoption, building my faith as He did so.

But I was also full of fear. “What if I can’t do this?” I wondered.

Book details and sample chapters
UK paperback edition just published!
Price: £7.99
ISBN: 9780800719920
Available via all good bookshops, or on-line.

Mary Beth's blog

Information on 'Show Hope', the charity established by the Chapmans.

Choosing to SEE: What Lies Beneath

We were blessed in a million ways.

We looked like a beautiful family of bouncy, blond children, a handsome, gifted husband soon to be a big celebrity, and the lovely wife with the big white smile. That would be me.

But there was something wrong with this happy picture, because the lovely celebrity wife, wrestling with dark tides inside, was about to have a breakdown. And I couldn’t figure out why.

I met with the doctor. We talked for some time, and he said to me, “I don’t know if you’re familiar with the term ‘clinical depression,’ but I believe you’ve suffered from it for a long time.”

What I began to understand was that this was a medical condition. It wasn’t logical. It wasn’t a response to my environment. It had to do with my brain chemistry and coping mechanisms that I’d developed over a lifetime.

But God made me the way He did and gave me the story we’re living. And even though I am not your usual candidate for celebrity wifedom, I believe it is all about showing off His glory. If a lot of people are watching our faith journey, our marriage, and our family because of Steven’s musical success, then that’s great, because it will help to shatter the illusion that Christians are supposed to be perfect.

I was diagnosed with depression early in 1991. All these years later, I can see how the seeds of hope God planted then would need time to root and grow deeply into the faith that I have in the God of all comfort . . . so I would be able to withstand the terrible storms that would devastate our family in 2008.

Book details and sample chapters
UK paperback edition just published!
Price: £7.99
ISBN: 9780800719920
Available via all good bookshops, or on-line.

Mary Beth's blog

Information on 'Show Hope', the charity established by the Chapmans.

Choosing to See: 'How are you doing?'

When people ask how we are doing, the first thing I always say is, “I want Maria back. I want my son Will Franklin not to have this as a chapter in his story. I want my children to be healthy, my family secure. I don’t really care whose life has been touched or changed because of our loss!”

That is the heart of a mother who lost a daughter and is determined not to lose another child. I believe God can handle my heart, my questions, and my anger. It’s okay to want Maria back. It’s okay to be angry. The question is, what do I do with it all? What do I do with God? In the midst of such heartbreak, do I really believe that all things work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose?

The answer to that question has come at a great cost.

* * * * *

I need to be clear. This book isn’t just about the spring day when Steven and I lost our precious Maria Sue in a terrible accident. It’s about a story . . . a story God is writing. All along the way, He has changed my story in ways I didn’t like. I’ve had whole chapters added and deleted and strange plot twists that I never saw coming.

The truth is, I was born with a plan. I wanted life to be safe and predictable. My plan was to marry someone with a nice nine-to-five schedule and have a tidy, organized life—everything under control.

Absolutely none of that came true!

Book details and sample chapters
UK paperback edition just published!
Price: £7.99
ISBN: 9780800719920
Available via all good bookshops, or on-line.

Mary Beth's blog

Information on 'Show Hope', the charity established by the Chapmans.